One day, I’ll be a great man if I choose it. One day I’ll be a bum, if I choose it. One day I’ll be a husband, with a wife, and a toaster, and a mortgage if I choose it. One day I’ll be a million me’s moving and working and meeting and chewing and drinking and snorting and loving and breathing and flying and falling and forgiving. If I choose it, I will be it. If I choose to be him, he will be, and if I choose to be the others, I am them. They all exist now, waiting for me like lovers meeting atop the Brooklyn bridge.
This last month has been unhinging. I feel completely uprooted. Untethered. Ive been couch surfing, veggie blending, and penny pinching.
The funeral changed everything. My family is evolving into something horrifying and beautiful. I’m too close to them to see the grand design, but I feel the molecules move. It’s crazy how one person can mean so much to so many people. Death isn’t a bullet, its a bomb. I’ve been pretty hazy since I left NY…haven’t had much time to reflect.
Last week, I went to Columbus,GA to promote a compilation gospel album I’m featured on, and it kinda lifted my spirits for a while. But I feel this dark cloud in my mind, not letting my thoughts flow. Like a dam, it feels unnatural.
What’s spooky about the whole thing is I had the feeling from last year March that something big was going to happen this year, and THIS March the bottom fell out. I took a break from school, my stepfather passed away, and I relocated to Atlanta for a while, and then Columbus. Now I’m on a bus leaving Louisville, Kentucky (don’t ask) and have plenty of time to think, but I don’t even know where to start…